Thursday, 8 January 2015


I have this overpowering urge to write at the moment. Whether it is a long drawn out blogpost (such as this), a text, heck, I’m even enjoying writing my essay which is a first. I just need to free my mind and get everything down.

I feel this urge is both a blessing and a curse. A curse because I have so many thoughts building up in my mind, but a blessing because whilst normally these thoughts obtrude my brain like a thick fog, I’m able to see these thoughts with clarity and express them through writing with ease. This is something I normally find quite hard to do.

Lets start with this.

Lately,  I can't seem to get away from those annoying Instagram motivational quotes blocking up my feed. It seems like every time I scroll down I have a picture with a few lines scribbled down in some edgy way trying to sort my life out for me. Normally I would mock these and think “HEH gheeeeey!” with the image of Chow from The Hangover in my head, but I feel like there is a time in everyones life -whether you are going to take down your 'cool' guard like me and admit it to yourself- that Instagram inspirational quotes are the only thing that’s got your back in certain situations. For me, the saddening truth is that nothing has spoken to me more loud and clear. I have become one of THOSE girls. I have been admittedly consuming a daily dose of Instagram inspirational quotes and I am putting a stop to this NOW before I become even more pathetic. So I will vent on here and then unfollow all the inspirational quote accounts I have recently become so attached too. I promise.

You may laugh at this, and I will allow you to heckle me due to how ‘profound’ or how philosophical I am going to sound, but I woke up this morning comforted by a dream I had last night *cue laughter*. My dream consisted of me in a bikini being stuck up a tall rock with a water pipe attached to the top of it, therefore making it nearly impossible to get down from without falling to a plummeting death. An awful way to go if you ask me. I also remember having an intense feeling of fear and entrapment and feeling like I had no other option other than to just to let myself fall. Long story short, someone turned the hose pipe off and a water slide appeared out of nowhere and I was saved.

Being one of those people who think its a really fun conversation to ‘share' the dreams you had the previous night with friends and analyse them to the core, which ironically, sends them all into a snooze, I lay in bed this morning analysing this dream to the current situation I am feeling in reality.

To put it frank, I have been feeling very shitty these last few weeks. It’s been a bundle of stuff that I won’t burden you with cause they are genuinely the boring ‘life’ issues that bum everyone out from time to time. Just like the feeling of being perched on the top of a slippery high rock in my dream, exposing my less than summer prepped bod for all to see, I have been feeling trapped in self doubt in reality lately, with no view of an exit sign. There have been moments where I feel like I want to just give up, and fall like my option in my dream. 

But, if I did just throw in the towel and wallow in the fact that life can be a little unfair sometimes, then I feel I would not appreciate the day when the hose pipe is suddenly turned off and I'm given the water slide to freedom. I feel if I just hold on a little longer, this will become an option.

Have I lost you?

Okay, forget the pretentious, obscure metaphor. All I know is that life hands you shit, and then more shit..and then perhaps a little more, but I think its important to gather all of the shit that has been thrown at you and keep it at safe guard so when you are given that extrordinary moment you desperately hoped for, you can appreciate it to the fullest. 

I feel like I had my run of good luck in 2014 and I needed this little bump in the road to keep me grounded. I’m sticking to the idea that although circumstances may be desirable if they were different, I don’t have to accept the way things are. I can change reality by channeling negativity into creative thought and action. This is what I'm currently working on, and I tell you what, it feels so much better than wallowing in self pity.